Jefe's Movie Reviews

 So I'd heard that this was a good and scary movie. I heard it was funny and at times terrifying. I heard wrong. This is a terrible movie. It's the kind of movie that makes you seriously consider never seeing another movie. It's the kind of movie that makes you hate Hollywood and modern culture and people in general.  It starts off with a very long, very close up scene of two girls making out. They're fully clothed, but they are feeling each other up. This goes on for WAY too long. Then they go to a house full of people who are all rich and entitled and hate one another. They decide to play a game called bodies bodies bodies, where they all draw slips of paper and one of them has a mark on it that tells that one person they're the "killer". They turn the lights off and the IDEA is that the "killer" touches people on the back and the person touched pretends they're dead.  Things start to unravel when, you guessed it, people start ACTUALLY dyin...

My favorite movie of all time is Schindler's List. It is a work of art, and it'll change your life. Everything about this movie is powerful. Of course, it's a true story. It's a story about a deeply flawed man who happened to be a Nazi and a good person at the same time. This movie will put ALL of your problems in perspective. It's made up of selected stories from the holocaust. It is NOT easy to watch. It is incredibly sobering.  The music is perfect. The entire movie is in black and white, which makes you feel like you're back in the 40's experiencing the horrors of the war with the Jews of Poland. Except for an occasional flicker of color, like in the picture above, to highlight a particular item in the movie - and then to rip your heart out. The writing and the acting are perfect. Liam Neeson plays Schindler, and no one could have done it better. We feel for him, we hate him, we love him, and when he breaks down at the end, we ARE him. Ralph Fiennes play...

  Hey guys! Here is my review of both the original Top Gun and the sequel Top Gun: Maverick. I have a confession - I pretty much have the original Top Gun memorized. First off - it's a great movie. VERY quotable, very fun, very iconic, an instant classic. When I was in college, we had Top Gun in the VCR in the living room on repeat. So any time day or night you would hear from the living room, "I said to Hollywood 'where'd he go?' Hollywood said, 'Where'd WHOOOOO GOOOOOOO?'" So yeah, I learned the whole movie from memory. I had a date when I was in college and she said we should watch Top Gun together so we did and of course I was quoting along with most of it and she wasn't impressed and I decided I didn't need that kind of negativity in my life. ALSO! I worked at a camp for many years, and we had a tradition to do the "she's lost that lovin feelin" routine from this movie in the dining hall with various girls over the years....

 I'm breaking the first rule of fight club by talking about this movie. But I can't help it. It's easily one of my absolute favorite movies of all time. The writing is SO SMART. It's brilliant. So quotable. It makes you think. Believe it or not, it makes you want to be a better person. It challenges your assumptions about the meaning of life and the role that material possessions play in it. It challenges a lot of things, and you won't always agree with where the author takes you, but if you aren't easily offended, you'll be better for the journey. Yes, there is a HUGE twist in the movie, a GIANT reveal, in the last twenty minutes of the movie that turn everything upside down. But the movie isn't JUST the twist. For example, I'm not super interested in watching Sixth Sense over and over. Now that I know the big reveal from that movie, I'm kind of done with it. I might watch it one more time. But I won't buy it and watch it over and over like ...

 Tomb Raider (2001) was THE BIGGEST disappointment in a movie I've ever experienced. The previews looked fantastic. Angelina Jolie was all the rage around that time. The game was so fun to play. The movie HAD to be good, right? Wrong. I found out while watching that movie how a bad script (and bad writing in general) can completely ruin a great concept and make it into a horrible movie. To be fair, if I'd gone in with much, MUCH lower expectations, I might have halfway enjoyed it in a campy way. But I was expecting a good movie. And it was NOT a good movie. I don't recommend seeing this one. If you DO happen to see it, lower your expectations as low as they will possibly go. (no real nudity, some language, no serious violence)

Flatliners (the original, from 1990) is one of my all time favorite movies. It has a fantastic cast: Kiefer, Julia, one of the Baldwins, the underappreciated genius Oliver Platt, and Kevin Bacon. The soundtrack is so good. The story line is a very interesting exploration of life after death. And the directing is perfect. It is a delightful film from the opening credits to the closing. HIGHLY recommend. (some brief nudity, some language)  

 Kuffs is one of my fav movies. If you like Christian Slater and his early 90s devil may care attitude, you'll love Kuffs. If you don't, I very much advise you to avoid this movie. It's fun from beginning to end. George Kuffs, played to perfection by Mr. Slater, is an immature screw up with lots of funny attitude. He finds out his girlfriend (played beautifully by Mills Jovovich) is pregnant. He's not ready for the responsibility of fatherhood so he bails.  His older brother, who is a kind of rent a cop over a district in San Francisco, is killed by some very bad (but hilariously entertaining) bad guys. George decides he has to avenge his brother's death and bring the bad guys to justice. Or something. He works with another cop who he starts off hating but grows to love. He fights the bad guys. I can't tell you what happens next cuz it'd be a spoiler. If you like Slater, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND this. If not, you'll be wasting your time. (No nudity, some langu...

 There are some movies that I think less of or more of depending on what someone tells me about it. And then there are SOME movies that I think less or more of a person if they like or don't like that movie.  The Little Mermaid is one of those movies. It is a wonderful and timeless work of art. I love four Disney movies above all others: this one, Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, and the Lion King. But I think I love The Little Mermaid above all. It's a classic story. The songs are AMAZING and you can't help but sing along. It's so quotable. The writing is exquisite. The humor abounds.  If you haven't seen The Little Mermaid - GO WATCH IT NOW. You will thank me. If you've seen it already, even 100 times, go watch it again. You know you want to. Undah da SEA!!

  Deadpool is my favorite super hero movie. A close second is The Incredibles. They're both amazing movies, and for very different reasons. Deadpool is played PERFECTLY by Ryan Reynolds. If any other actor was playing Deadpool, I wouldn't like it half as much. The writing is SO GOOD. It's hilarious. Some of the best one liners in all of cinema are in these movies.  If you haven't watched Deadpool or seen the comics, be advised: it's VERY inappropriate. It's like Archer - very, very NSFW, but so hilarious. Some of the snappiest dialog in movies is in Deadpool, just like some of the snappiest dialog on TV is in Archer. Do not watch this with kids. Do not watch this if you're easily offended. But if you're not easily offended, then I couldn't recommend Deadpool more highly. Just the opening credits are worth the price of admission. 

 I saw Jurassic World: Dominion a few weeks ago. It was pretty much exactly what I expected, but not much more. I knew that it was going to unite the old crew with the new folks. I knew that we would hear some classic lines from Jeff Goldblum and Sam Neil. I knew there were would be throwback moments and knowing looks. All of that happened. And not much more. The plot is pretty thin. The writing is pretty bad. If it weren't for the great cast, it would've been a bad movie. As it was, with my low expectations, it was OK. The plot of this DINOSAUR movie used bugs as the antagonist. I'm not even joking. So here's my recommendation. See it. See it in the theater. It's a HUGE spectacle and you're gonna wanna watch it on the big screen. Go in with REALLY low expectations, knowing you'll see what I described above.  And not much more.

 It can't rain all the time. That's one of my all time favorite movie quotes. And it's from The Crow, which would be my favorite superhero movie if it weren't for Deadpool (and the Incredibles). I LOVE THIS MOVIE! It's very early 90's. Very dark, but with dark humor mixed in. It stars Brandon Lee, the son of Bruce Lee. Brandon was killed during the production of The Crow, which gave it a cult following even though it didn't need one. It's a great movie on its own merits. It's about an anti-hero of sorts. A man and his girlfriend are killed by some punks. The man comes back to life, given the ability to resurrect and also heal instantly by a crow (this mystical element is never really explained, you just kind of go with it.) He comes back and hunts down his killers and kills them, often quoting lines from Poe. The movie is really well directed, acted, and written. The lines are very quotable and delivered perfectly. It's a movie to watch over and ...

 If you haven't seen Forrest Gump, I highly recommend it. It's funny. It's touching. It's poignant. It's a brilliant performance by Tom Hanks. Robin Wright, who was spectacular in The Princess Bride and in House of Cards, is also fantastic in this. Gary Sinise gives a once in a lifetime performance as Lt. Dan.  The movie is worth seeing just for the soundtrack. And you're basically reliving some of the most interesting parts of the 60's with a simple but interesting person who seems to always be in the right place at the right time.  Life may be like a box of chocolates, but with this movie, you know what you're gonna get: a good time.

 This is probably the strangest movie I'm going to review here. It's got a good and strange cast: Suki Waterhouse (not to be confused with Sookie Stackhouse from the Vampire books and show) is the main character and she suffers the most. It's got Jason Momoa, Jim Carrey, Giovanni Ribisi, and Keanu Reeves.  It's a post apocalyptic and crazy story of survival. It's got cannibalism and some scenes that are hard to watch. I do not recommend you watch this with kids. And if you're even a little squeamish, don't watch it at all. But if you want to see a very strange movie about a girl who survives everything that the post apocalyptic world can throw at her, this will satisfy that urge. I saw it long enough ago that I can't remember if there is any nudity in it, so assume there is.  I do not recommend you watch this, but if you're in the mood for a strange movie, this is that.

 I saw Black Phone a few weeks ago. I read online that it was REALLY SCARY. It's not. But it's a pretty good movie. It has a very Stephen King vibe. A supernatural phone allows a boy (who has been abducted by a horrible man (seen above) played very well by Ethan Hawke) to talk to previous boys who have been abducted and have died. They give him tips on how to defeat the masked man. Does he make it? It's a Stephen King vibe, so you're not sure if he will or not. And of course, I'm not going to tell you. But I do recommend the movie if you like scary movies. It's not very scary, but it's well done.

 One of the best movies I've seen in recent years is Tenet, directed by Christopher Nolan. It's very good science fiction. The story is built on the premise that we have discovered the ability to move forward and backward through time. Like, not just time travel to a previous time, but actually MOVE backward through time, so that people moving forward through time SEE us going backwards through it. There are some really mind bending moments when people are "catching" bullets with their guns. Beyond that, any cool thing that happens would be a spoiler if I told you about it.  If you didn't catch it... tenet is a palindrome. It's the same forward and backward - like the characters in the movie. Now, understand this: this is a very cerebral movie. There are some REALLY cool effects. But to understand the plot, you'll probably have to watch this multiple times. Forward and backward. I highly HIGHLY recommend this movie. Multiple times.

I didn't like 2020's Invisible Man.  I'll just say that up front.  And a big part of the reason is that I don't like Elizabeth Moss.  I didn't like her in Mad Men,  I didn't like her in Handmaid's Tale,  and I didn't like her in Invisible Man.  I don't know why,  but there's something about her expressions that I find creepy and off-putting.  So I went into the movie knowing I probably wouldn't love it.  But the movie was even worse than I expected.  There are so many plot holes and moments where you're thinking "why doesn't he just do THIS?"  or "she would never have done that..."  The storyline is extremely difficult to accept.   The special effects are decent.  That's about all I can say that's positive about this movie.  I'm not saying don't see it.  If you LIKE Elizabeth Moss,  you'll probably lean more towards liking this.  But if you don't like her,  then don't see it....

I recently watched this strange movie.  I feel like the fact that the title doesn't quite match the movie is indicative of what kind of movie it is.  It never quite seems to know what kind of movie it wants to be.   It's fun to watch because Bradley Cooper takes you back and you feel like you're really living back in the early part of the 20th century,  traveling with a circus and trying to earn a buck as a poor outcast.  When the movie is doing that,  it's amazing.  But then it transitions to a different era,  where Bradley Cooper and his woman are traveling with a very successful magic show,  and it feels more like a dream than reality.   The ending feels like something that Stephen King would write,  and if you know his endings,  you know that's not a compliment.  Overall I recommend watching this,  just because it does an amazing job putting you back in that time.  Don't take anything to...

So I loved the original Scream movie.  It was the funniest scariest movie I've ever seen.  I've seen funnier (Monty Python,  Ace Ventura,  Princess Bride) and I've seen scarier (Blair Witch,  Babadook,  Friday the 13th), but I've never seen a movie that was SO FUNNY and SO SCARY at the same time.  The original was genius,  with Neve Campbell,  Courtney Cox,  David Arquette,  Matthew Lillard,  Skeet Ulrich,  Henry Winkler,  and Drew Barrymore filling out the highly talented cast.  The opening scene where Drew Barrymore answers the phone is hilarious and terrifying at the same time,  and that tone is carried throughout the rest of the film.  The way it makes fun of / dissects horror movies while being a horror movie was so smart and well done.  The remake in 2022 was OK.  The parts with Neve Campbell,  David Arquette,  and Courtney Cox were good.  The rest was trying h...

I saw the new Minions movie a couple weeks ago.  And it was exactly what I expected,  only a little better.  I expected it to be silly,  somewhat funny,  mostly goofy,  and woke-free.  It was all those things.  But I didn't expect it to be as good as it was.  I LOVED Despicable Me.  I thought the Minions movie was pretty good,  but far less.  This is somewhere between the two.  It's got Steve Carrell as Gru,  only with his voice pitched a little higher.  The Minions are their usual bumbling,  silly,  ridiculous selves.  And the combination just works.  I don't HIGHLY recommend this one,  as I would have for Despicable Me.  But I do recommend it.  It's a great movie to take kids to.  Just a silly,  clean,  fun time. 

So this week I watched a pretty good movie called The Contractor. It's about a man who comes home from overseas and has to take a job as a hired gun. The man is played by Chris Pine, who does another great job. He's hired by a character played by Kiefer Sutherland, who can do no wrong in my book. Then things are turned upside down and Chris Pine's character has to make some fast and hard decisions.  I can't tell you more without ruining it. It's not a GREAT movie, but it's definitely solid and entertaining. It's something good to watch on a boring afternoon. I recommend it, but not HIGHLY. 

Knives Out is the best movie I saw in 2019. It's funny, twisty, interesting, and heart-warming. It's got a stellar cast, featuring Daniel Craig, Don Johnson, Chris Evans, Jamie Lee Curtis, Christopher Plummer, and many more. But the main character, who steals the show, is Marta, played by Ana de Armas.  I literally can't tell you more without spoilers. Just take my word, and watch it. You'll love it. 

This is one of my all time favorite movies. It's a rarity today. It's an incredibly beautiful tragedy. Yes, there are some redemption aspects, too. And family is a main theme. But mostly it's a story of a sad man named Tristan (whose name MEANS sad) who tried hard to find happiness and mostly fails.  I won't give you spoilers, I'll just say that Brad Pitt, Anthony Hopkins, Aidan Quinn, and Julia Ormond lead a fantastic cast in performing this beautiful film. The soundtrack is amazing. The sadness is enough to drown in. I've seen this movie a dozen times, and will watch it dozens more. If you want to watch something beautiful and very sad, this is your movie. 

So this is probably the best movie you've never heard of. You know Chris Pine, right? And you've probably seen Thandie Newton in films like Mission Impossible 2 and the Westworld series. And of course you know Lawrence Fishburne.  So this movie is about a terrorist group many years ago that hijacked a plane. A federal group tries to talk down the terrorists and get the hostages released. But someone in the federal group leaks info to the terrorist group and they kill everyone on the plane.  Years later, Chris Pine is investigating to find who was the leak. He interviews everyone.  The ending will blow your mind and probably make you cry. 

Hey guys! I just finished watching an excellent movie called The Guilty, starring (and produced by) Jake Gyllenhaal. It's very well done, and Gyllenhaal deserves some awards for it.  It's very simple - deceptively simple. After you've watched most of the movie, you suddenly realize the entire film is basically set in one room, and it's about 95% Jake. He's on the phone, and we hear the voice actors, but we're looking at Jake's face throughout most of the movie.  I won't give you spoilers. But things are not what they appear. There is a huge twist that will send you reeling. And the ending is very satisfying. You can find this movie on Netflix. 

Bullet Train is really good! It's fast paced, very funny, and pretty clean. No sex or nudity. Strong language and violence, though. Brad Pitt is really funny in the main role, and is supported by many great actors, including cameos by Ryan Reynolds, Sandra Bullock, and Channing Tatum. The action is fast and well done. Highly recommend!