Eternals needs to die


 Don't go see Eternals. 

I mean, you can do what you want. I'm not the boss of you. But if you value your time, I recommend seeing any other movie that came out this year. We've had some good ones... Free Guy, the new James Bond, Dune, and Red Notice are all bangers. 

Eternals is not.

It's kind of sad because it's got a good cast. I'm not a huge Angelina Jolie fan, but she usually does decent movies. Salma Hayak can be a little hit or miss, but generally not bad. Kit Harington was really good as Jon Snow, but apparently he really does know nothing because he signed up for this clunker. And Gemma Chan was really good in the show Humans, where she played an AI robot. From the previews, I went in with low expectations. But they were still too high.

The writing is awful. The dialog is wooden and silly. The plot is ridiculous. It's a tired reworking of the old Roman and Greek god mythology, but with an attempt to make it modern an edgy. For example, her name is Thena, not Athena. She even corrects someone during the movie. Angelina's character keeps going crazy and attacking her friends. It has a very juvenile tone, employing themes that might have worked in a junior high novelization but just falls flat on the big screen.

It's one of those movies that starts to feel like it's going on forever. About halfway through I was checking my watch. (Phone, whatever.) I was ready for it to be over LONG before the credits rolled. 

Highly recommend. That you not see this.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

the Banshees of Inisherin

Image
I just started watching this. I'm about five minutes into it. it already grabbed me. this is gonna be good.  UPDATE: So I finished this one and it's a masterpiece. The SUBJECT of the story is twisted and interesting. One character, pictured on the right above, decides one day that he doesn't like another character (played by Colin Farrell, pictured on the right). He tells him to stop talking to him. The Colin Farrell character refuses to stop, so the other guys says every time he talks to him, he's going to cut off one of his own fingers. That's the kind of twisted I mean. I'm not going to give you any more spoilers. But the tone and setting and mood of the movie is the real reason to watch it. You get TOTALLY drawn into the life of these simple people living on an island off the coast of Ireland. It's a beautiful and tragic movie that explores human relationships and their importance and limitations.  I highly recommend it, though it's not for the faint...
Read more

lost in translation

Image
 I had a funny experience when I watched Lost in Translation the first time. I watched it with some friends who were not the brightest lights in the harbor. And they did NOT get it. They kept complaining about little things throughout the movie that they were clearly not understanding. I thought that it was extremely apropos and hilarious that they were misunderstanding a movie called Lost in Translation. This is a wonderful movie. It's slow and warm and deep. It's about a friendship between two unlikely people, played by Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson. There is sexual tension between them, and I'm not going to give away the movie by telling you what happens, but I found it delightful. It's directed by Sofia Coppola, and it was the reason I fell in love with her as a director. It's rated R for language.  I highly recommend it if you like slow, warm movies about unlikely friendships - and great acting and writing.
Read more

puss in boots

Image
 I went in with high expectations. It surpassed them. Puss in Boots (2022) is the best movie I've seen recently. It's laugh out loud funny throughout the whole movie. The writing is witty and snappy and really fun. Antonio Banderas is perfect reprising the role of Puss in Boots. Salma Hayek is fantastic as Kitty Softpaws. I don't know the actor playing Perrito, but he's very funny in this role. John Mulaney is great and nasty as the evil Jack Horner. And Florence Pugh is fun as Goldilocks with her adopted family of three bears.  All of the characters are searching for a map that will lead them to a wishing star, and that star will grant the person one wish. I won't give spoilers by telling you what they are all wishing for or what happens. But the end is VERY satisfying. The movie begins with a song that is EXTREMELY catchy and gives us one of the best movie openings I've seen since Capt Jack Sparrow stepped off the sinking ship in Pirates of the Caribbean.  I H...
Read more